Rick Melton
Rick Melton Art Books
Welcome to Dark Side Towers and my, Rick Melton's excellent Fright Gallery tour. Come in out of the rain, shake off those brollies and prepare yourselves for a hair-raising ride of my most spectacular, spooky and downright sleazy erotic art. Of course, there’s more to Rick Melton’s Gallery than just gawking at paintings.
304 steamy pages that in Mr Melton’s humble opinion add up to the best sexploitive/horror art book ever published. Mind you, as he painted all the pictures and wrote all the text he might be a tad biased! Still, if you like your classic horror, trash horror, erotic horror, sci fi and yes, lashings of smut rendered in old fashioned oil paint then you’ll love this book!
Coming Soon Autumn / Winter 2025
SOLD OUT!
Luxury Art Prints
Available in A4, A3 and A2 and all signed by Rick Melton himself!
SCI-Fi
Welcome to my new Sci Fi page! I’m not really known for my science fiction stuff but since Ghoulish Publishing brought out Infinity as a sister magazine to The Dark Side I’ve had to knock them up a few covers and interior illustrations and so I asked my web designer where I could stick ‘em.
Asthey wouldn’t all fit up there I then asked him to create a scintillating new page and scrap the old ORIGINAL ART one as nothing I paint hangs around longenough to display there. Apparently I’m either too cheap or all the GOOD artist’s are dead!
Smut
Now,I know it can be a bit embarrassing if you’re spotted in here but don’t worry,you are in good company. Look, over there behind the Bonnie Rotten display; it’s my Ghoulish Publishing boss Brycie, snapping off a few shots for a sleazy feature on Traci Lords. And to his left it’s Wang Ho from Fuzz Bucket Productions in Thailand checking out possible covers for his soon to be released Clam Slammer Series.
And gosh! If I’m not mistaken, in the corner right in front of the Collinson Twins – it’s Pee Wee Herman vigorously polishing his…..oh dear……
Classic Horror
We all have differing opinions on what constitutes a classic horror film. The Bride of Frankenstein is supposedly at the top of the list although many, me included, rate it as the campest bunch of twaddle this side of Moulin Rouge.
I couldn’t make it through the week without my regular fix of Frankenfish though and I await a sequel the way others await the Second Coming or the re-emergence of Elvis.
I think it’s safe to say that any horror film that hasn’t been sold off the back of a huge great pair of jiggling jugs is a ‘classic’ simply because it would have to be!
Erotic Horror
Just for once I’d like to be offered a nice normal commission, perhaps two West Highland Terriers frolicking in a field of poppies or a Rimini sunset.
Alas, I fear it’s not to be.
Things might have turned out different if soft porn/ shlock horror actress Suzi Lorraine hadn’t hired me to do her Psycho Bitch painting. Like Van Gogh said, once you’ve painted a homicidal blonde wiping blood up her ass there’s really no going back.
Oh well, at least it’s never boring and the guy who commissioned most of this stuff (erotic horror book publisher Greg Hurlstone) pays very well, although not very often!
Scream Queens
I’d say Linda Blair was the nicest. This head spinning, crucifix humping, priest squishing icon had a reputation for pulling the heads off of convention administrators and barfing pea soup down their necks but she is in fact a genuine gal who works tirelessly to fund her stray dog’s home. Great tits too!
Emily Booth’s fantastic as well and she took the time to send me a really complimentary email praising a portrait I’d done of her. Unfortunately I emailed her back a little too enthusiastically and she misread the line “I thought you were great in Evil Aliens” as “I want to lick mango and banana flavoured guacamole off your quivering thighs”. Oh well, I suppose I can live with the restraining order although the ankle bracelet is a pain because if I drive anywhere near Sussex it blows my foot off.
Trash Horror
Tack such as this struggles for respect in today’s digitally photo perfect world but then it doesn’t give two hoots about respect which is why it’s sitting on smutty sites like this that respectable folks don’t visit.
Yes, you should be ashamed! But then strolling through Stunningly Savage isn’t as bad as getting caught limp and dehydrated with your pants around your ankles after a fevered two hour session with Yum Yum Swallow on some Japanese porn site.
Not that something like that ever happened to me of course, but if it did I’d make sure I sent my family off to the movies first before paying Yum Yum any further visits!
Above is an image of Rick creating one of his masterpieces! If you would like to see more of his artwork brought to life, you can find all of his merchandise below. There’s even some images of me on my various adventures…
Bio
Hi guys, Suzi here!
Seriously, is there anything more boring than reading some old fart’s biography? Well yes, writing one for a start! And I should know, because I’ve been drafted in to ji….um...jazz this one up a bit!
So, let’s get cracking! Uncle Rick was born in 1952 and nothing earth shattering happened until he threw off his first wan….er….treat, in 1963.
So there you have it. In 1963 his rotten parents decided to emigrate from Montana USA and settle down in some boring dump called England. The food stunk, the school stunk and the TV stunk. So he had two choices; kill himself or clumsily stumble into a wonderful world of perpetual wan...er...giving himself a treat!
Fortunately he stumbled and it was great.
The End.
OK, that’s probably not going to wash. I’m being paid good money for this flipping biography so I suppose I better give you one!
Uncle Rick absolutely loved growing up in Montana during the 1950’s. Snowed in by minus 40 degree blizzards, he blissfully overdosed on the old monster movies which Universal had recently sold to TV. Not long after, Aurora brought out their Frankenstein, Wolf Man and Dracula model kits and a whole generation of monster kids was born. To be honest, the models weren’t very good, but the box art was brilliant and as soon as my uncle set eyes on it he wanted to earn his living as a horror artist.
Sadly that didn’t happen, at least not for another 40 years. Somewhere down the line, treating himself got replaced with actual sex and this inevitably led to marriage, a bunch of kids and a career in catering.
All of which are good reasons for not giving up wanking! To be fair though, his Italian ex-wife did do her very best to convince him to pursue a career in art.
“You useless cundino, Reek!” she howled as she bounced yet another burned burger off his head “You’re a stupid, stupid man and you can’t cook worth a sheeeeet!!!”
Yes, I know that sounds a bit brutal, but in her own sweet way I’m sure she was trying to get him to pursue a career in art!
Anyway, she eventually met someone she genuinely liked, so my uncle married the waitress with the biggest tits and threw himself into the malodorous world of sexploitive horror art!
But like Smokey The Bear once said (after he came upon America’s most beloved family bonking each other senseless in the bushes) things sure had changed on Walton’s Mountain.
For starters, his old fashioned oil paintings looked pretty rough compared to the magic being created in Photoshop. And because he painted in a fast, retro style, his stuff looked even rougher.
Not only that, but artwork featuring huge breasted women being abused by sex crazed monsters was no longer considered acceptable in 2004.
It looked as though his dreams of painting the most offensive DVD covers in history were about to be callously flushed down the toilet. But what to do? He could hardly switch to water colour pet portraits, especially after buying a bunch of oil paints and marrying the waitress with the biggest tits!
But then he got lucky (if you consider working for a tight XXXX lucky) because who should be wiping his bottom on one of Uncle Rick’s pamphlets but the Dark Side magazine’s editor, Allan Bryce! Just as he was about to pull the chain, Brycie noticed the header which was ‘Desperate Idiot Willing To Paint Anything For Free’ and after reversing the charges, he gave my uncle a call.
That was about a jillion years and 150 covers ago, and now the Dark Side is the best selling horror magazine in the world!
It has also received the most complaining letters of any magazine in the world, all of them directed at my uncle and his long running column which features some of his most salacious artworks. In fact, during the years his stories and paintings centred around the Dark Side Towers nymphomaniac tea girl (ME!) readers were throwing themselves under buses in protest.
But one thing you can say about Brycie (apart from the fact he’s a tight XXXX) is that he doesn’t care if he upsets a few people, probably because he’s too busy upsetting even more people than Uncle Rick!
So there you have it. As I type, my uncle is a staggering 72 years old and still churning out artwork no respectable artiste would entertain.
And holy poop, that waitress with the biggest tits is now 60!!!
Fortunately, Aunt Sally is still relatively ‘perky’ and unlike younger models, she doesn’t bellyache about being bonked into oblivion by Rawhead Rex or being chased into Turd Lake by Sticky The Dick!
Well OK, she does, which is why I’ve been lumbered with posing for most of Uncle Rick’s titty-tastic smut. But hey, a girl could do a lot worse than spend her days being ravaged by monsters in some old fart’s cosy studio.
And I’m getting really good at the CPR!
